‘Section 13(1)’ and Aspergers

Cross posted from ‘Xanthippa’s Chamberpot’:

OK – this is a topic that people who know me have had to listen to me rant on and on and on….

And, I have tried to write it up – and have at least 18 drafts to prove it…

Because… this is something SOOO IMPORTANT that it deserves the most perfectest write up ever!

Because… this shows an internal inconsistency in the Section 13(1) of the Canadian Human Rights Code – the ‘Hate Speech’ bit!

It clearly demonstrates that Section 13(1) is in contravention of itself!!!

That, if I my layman’s understanding of our legal system holds, would render the whole thing illegal.  After all, a law may not contravene itself, may it?

Yesterday, I got a comment on my last post, which said exactly the same thing I had been ranting on and on about.  (The comment, not the post – well, the post, too, but that is implied.)

Actually, I read it out loud to my husband, who thought I was reading my words, so close was the sentiment!

Hi Xanthippa.

Your blog has got me thinking… Perhaps we Aspies particularly resent censorship boards like Canada’s because we are used to “saying it like it is”, speaking the truth (as we see it) bluntly and plainly, and not being stopped by thin-skinned people taking offence. Aspies can’t detect _likely_ offence in advance, and if we played it safe and avoided all _possible_ offence, we’d never say anything!

Whereas those who support Canada’s state censorship system are probably neurotypicals who are good at treading their way carefully, taking cues from context. They have picked up, for example, that joking about assassinating President Bush is “brave dissent” while joking about assassinating President Obama is “racist hate speech” that will get you visited by the FBI.Aspies like to have the rules laid out clearly, neutrally and consistently. They/ we don’t like implications, winks and nods, and “It just is, okay?!” So you get someone like Ezra Levant (almost certainly an Aspie) asking why the Emperor has no clothes, why Canada’s censorship rules are applied differently to Christians and Muslims, and a lot of people regard him with distaste: he’s rude, he’s offensive, he’s loud, he’s rocking the boat, he “just doesn’t get it”.

Perhaps Section 13 could be struck down as discriminating on basis of a disability, do you think?

That is exactly correct!  I’ve been ranting on this for years!

*  * *

Section 13(1) of the Canadian Human Rights Code is the ‘hate speech’ section which has, lately, been applied to silence people with unpopular views.  The key bit of the wording is that a person is forbidden from communicating anything which could potentially give offense to someone or a group.  No, not ‘just anyone’ – only people who are members of ‘protected groups’.

In other words, it is illegal, in Canada, to communicate anything that might offend people, based on their sex, race, religion, disabilities, sexual orientation, and so on, or stigmatize them, or is likely to increase ‘general hate’ against them.

*  *  *

Now, let us look at  the diagnostic criteria for Asperger’s Syndrome (an Autism-spectrum disorder):

Aspies For Freedom (an Asperger’s support group) lists, among others:

• Criterion A. Severe and sustained impairment in social interaction
• Criterion C. The disturbance must cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

About.com tells us that

“The essential features of Asperger’s Disorder are severe and sustained impairment in social interaction…

“…  The disturbance must cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Dr. Leo Kanner, a psychiatrist at Hopkins and a recognized authority on Asperger, wrote in ‘Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery & Psychiatry with Practical Neurology’ about ‘Aspergers’:

It is characterised by impairments in reciprocal social interaction and communication

I could go on, in a typically Aspie obsessive manner… but, you get the picture.  Aspies (people with Asperger’s Syndrome usually prefer the nomicker ‘Aspies’ – it is less cumbersome) have a neurological disorder, which prevents us from having ‘normal’ social interactions.

We cannot tell when we are boring you.

We cannot tell when what we are saying is offensive to you.

We cannot tell if people are so fed up with us, they are about to loose their patience and beat us to a bloody pulp, because we have just said something they consider ‘insensitive’ or ‘offensive’.

We think the rest of the world ought to get over themselves and their stupid emotionalism and its burdensome public display and grow up!  (And get some logic, while they’re at it.)

We also lack the ability to ‘believe’.

Oh, we can accept rules – and love to adhere to them scrupulously.  So, Aspies CAN follow religions.  We just can’t believe in them.

We can take some God(s)’s existence ‘as given’ or ‘pre-defined parameter’ – but not as an ‘article of faith’ to be ‘believed’.  There IS a difference.

Despite what some clinicians think, we CAN accept ‘alternate realities’ (make-believe) – as long as it is presented as a concept (not ‘truth’ – but a ‘different game’) and is internally self-consistent.  That  is why we love Spock (the first ‘real’ Aspie character on TV who was not a villain – at least, not intended to be perceived as a villain, even though his appearance followed an ‘evil-man’ archetype) and why we CAN accept alternate reality rules.

But we recognize them to be ‘non-real’.  And – naturally – we say so.  Especially when somebody is wrong and thinks it is ‘real’.

It is our responsibility to educate them!  To do any less would be insulting to them…

We are especially good at pointing out internal inconsistencies – within belief systems, ‘holy’ books (scriptures), the behaviour of clerics vs. the tenets of their faith and all kinds of things like that.  Good and persistent!

And THAT is why so many Aspies earn the wrath of religious people….. because we will never understand why it is OK to correct someone’s misconceptions regarding physic or mathematics, but not regarding bronze-age myths and demonstrable reality.

Actually – any age myths…

With our lack of social skills and inability to ‘take things on faith’ – both conditions are documented as being biologically based and not something we can just change because we want to – we are BOUND to offend a lot of people. Or, so I am told.  Especially with all that religious nonsense!  And I mean NON-SENSE!!!  As defined…

(Is this a good demonstration?  I hope so… I was trying to convey the understanding of our internal thought processes….)

I suppose it would be a fair parallel to describe Aspies as ‘offensiveness-deaf‘!  And, this disability is a well documented, recognized medical condition.

*  *  *

Ah – but our constitution states that no person shall be discriminated against on the grounds of a medical disability!

Would it be legal to pass a law that penalizes people for not standing when the National Anthem is played – even if they were deaf and did not hear it?  Or of they were a paraplegic or otherwise disabled and unable to stand?

Would passing such laws, which punish people because they have a disability, be tolerated if that disability were anything other than Asperger’s Syndrome?

NO!  IT WOULD NOT!

We would not tolerate such laws!  And, our constitution specifically forbids discrimination on these grounds!

Yet, Section 13(1) is a blatant and shameful discrimination against people who have a medical disability which prevents us from knowing when we are likely to ‘give offense’!!!

*  *  *

OK – this is where I tie it all together….bear with me, please, I’m almost there.

1.  Section 13(1) makes it illegal to communicate anything which ‘is likely to offend’ or stigmatize a group or individuals (on ‘protected grounds’), or expose someone to hate.

2.  One such ‘protected ground’ is ‘medical disability’.

3.  Asperger’s syndrome is a medical disability, whose defining characteristic is an inability to successfully socially interact with others:  in other words, rude and offensive behaviour is an invountary symptom (and even a diagnostic criterion) of this medical condition.  As such, Aspies cannot tell if they are ‘likely to offend’, just as deaf people cannot hear and react to sounds, or just like people cannot significantly change the amount of pigment in their skin!  By just existing, we are ‘likely to give offense’!

4.  Therefore, Section 13(1) makes it a criminal offense to live with this specific medical disability!

5.  By criminalizing our very existence, Section 13(1) seriously stigmatizes Aspies, simply because of how we were born! It is very likely that we, as an identifiable and protected group, will be stigmatized and we are likely to be exposed to hate, as a direct result of the existence of Section 13(1).

6.   However, Section 13(1) forbids anyone or anything to stigmatize a group on protected grounds, or expose anyone to hate – and having Asperger’s IS a ‘protected ground’!

7.  That is an internal inconsistency.

8.  Therefore, Section 13(1) is in contravention of itself.

Q.E.D.

Aspergers: a world with ‘fewer filters’

One constant criticism Aspies (and, perhaps, others with ADD/ADHD) face is that their ‘reactions’ are ‘inconsistent’.

One day, an Aspie can scream so loudly its unbearable, at another time that same Aspie may cover her ears and complain of even moderately loud sounds as ‘painful’.  A few minutes later, the Aspie claims not to have heard that a set of instructions was given out, even though the instructions were spoken clearly and everyone else ‘got’ them.

How come?

‘Obviously’, the Aspie was being manipulative and faking, because either their ears are sensitive, or they are not! Right?

Aspies are also often suspected of being manipulative in ‘faking pain’ by over-reacting in a theatrical manner to even slight bumbps or accidental brushes – but, they can then withstand great pain without seemingly noticing it while they are playing a videogame.  ’Obviously’, this kid has a high pain threshold – so why the theatrics when someone steps on their foot?  It ‘must’ be a way of ‘getting attention’ or being ‘intentionally disruptive’:  in other words, another ‘manipulation’!  Right?

Teachers and parents do not like being manipulated….

Not even a little bit.  And when a particular kid is thought to be manipulative over and over and over, teachers and/or parents or other authority figures (like, later in life, employers) will have little patience with them.  Any new ’situation’ the Aspie gets into, the ‘authority’ will already see them as a ‘manipulator’ before even finding out any facts about the ’situation’.

Except that…

The Aspie IS NOT being manipulative!

He or she might not even be aware that their behaviour is seen as in any way inconsistent:  they are simply displaying their ‘honest reaction’!

So how is this possible?

Each one of us has a whole bunch of ‘filters’ which constantly block out a lot of the stimula which our senses are bombarded with.

The ‘hand  in cold water example’:

When you first put your hand into cold water, it will really feel cold.  This is because the touch sensors in your skin will detect a ‘change’ in state and send the message that you are ‘now experiencing contact with cold water’ with a specific amount of urgency.

After a while, you will still ‘feel cold’ on your hand, but you will have ‘become used to it‘:  since there was no change in state, the urgency of the cold signal had decreased.  It never really went away, but the intensity of the feeling of ‘cold’ had been reduced.

One way of describing it is to liken it to the ‘cold signal’ being passed through many filters, from weaker ones to progressively stronger and stronger ones until the ’signal’ is quite negligible.  It’s still there – you are aware of it. But, it’s in the background.

Now imagine if you only had one filter!

The ‘cold signal’ would either be 100% strong and urgent – or completely filtered out.  And, imagine that you would not have a very good control over whether the filter is on, or off (most people are not consciously in control of their ‘gradual’ filters – but the very presence of ‘many’ filters which are ‘automatically’ applied in just the right order, their perceptions are modulated).

With only the ‘no filter’ or ‘100%’ filter available to you, your reaction would certainly be quite different when the filter was ‘on’ or ‘off’!

You would not be ‘manipulative’ when you reacted to the ‘100% signal’ – nor would you be intentionally inattentive when your brain did not receive the signal because the ‘100% filter’ was ‘on’!

With ‘no filter’ – even mild sounds would distract you into tears and trigger headaches, even a casual brush against your back would send you sprawling and feeling injured!  With ‘100% filter on’, you would not be aware of how loud you are – or that someone in the room is speaking…or that instead of chopping up a tomato, you have almost severed your thumb (yes, I am guilty of that last one – and now I hate stupid tomatoes!).

Most Aspies do have ’some’ filters – but we are definitely missing others!  And, it differs from one Aspie to another:  both in the number of filters, and in the senses which are affected.

(Aside:  researchers have asserted that Aspies have fewer ‘temporary memory slots’ than most people – I wonder if that or related mechanism could be responsible for Aspies having fewer ’sensory filters’ than most people do.)

So, what is the solution?

It is two-fold.

First and foremost, it is essential that when the Aspie is young, the educators, parents and other care-givers are aware that these behaviours are not manipulations.  It does NOT mean the resultant behaviour ought to be tolerated, either!

But, understanding that this is not a manipulation can build a lot of bridges, or, at least, burn them at a much slower pace…

Also, if the educators/parents understand this, they can observe their Aspie with this in mind:  learn the signs, and interpret them.  This is important, especially for young Aspies, because the parent/educator will have to guide the Aspie through it.

Aspies mature at different rates than other people:  they may be leaps and bounds ahead of ‘normal’ kids in some respects, but way behind in others.  So, their individual maturity levels must be taken into consideration when they are taught how to make sense of the world and how to help the world make sense of them.

The second part of the ’solution’ is to explain this to the Aspie in terms which the Aspie will understand.  Age and maturity levels, and all that….  But, I do think that using the ‘filters analogy’ can help even young Aspies understand what is happening to them – and why others are not understanding it.  (Using props can help – and be fun!)

As I have written before – getting the Aspie to understand is the key to ‘everything’!

Especially if ‘being as Aspie’ is presented as being both a curse and a gift:  the way you are will create you some serious problems – but it is also these very things which can make you uber-succeed!  Just think of how useful ’superfocusing’ is when you have to study for exams! (My favourite example to young Aspies.)

These are the two things the Aspie must be taught to understand:

1.  What is happening to you:  the ‘missing filters’ thing – or a similar analogy

2.  This is not what is happening to most people:  that is why they do not understand what is happening to you and are totally misinterpreting your reactions.  That is a longterm problem for you, the Aspie.

Once the Aspie understands both of these things, start teaching the Aspie how to notice on their own what state their filters are at…and, as they grow and mature, they can (not easily, not always, but to a great degree) learn to modulate their behaviours to ‘filter out’ the effects of their ‘missing filters’!

Diaspora and our ‘bronze-age-brains’

This post does not strictly address ‘Asperger’s syndrome’.  However, it is an attempt by an Aspie to put ’social evolution’ into words:  hopefully, words which will make sense to other Aspies!  (It is cross-posted from ‘Xanthippa’s Chamberpot’ – though, my formatting has been lost in the transfer so the emphasis is missing and the paragraph breaks may not correspond.)

There are two common-use meanings for this term: diaspora and Diaspora.

The ‘little d’ diaspora refers to any (more-or-less) peaceful migration or immigration or general re-settlement of a socially cohesive group of people with a well-defined social identity into an already populated area, with no intention of integrating into the host society. The ‘capital D’ diaspora refers to one specific ‘little d’ diaspora: the expulsion of Jews from Jerusalem by the Romans and their resultant scattering around the World.

At this point, I am only focusing on ‘little d’ diaspora.

This ‘diaspora’ is a curious concept: a group of people who share a common ancestry/language/culture/religion – such as a tribe, or a clan, settle in an area already inhabited by ‘different people’. Once there, they do not attempt to gain the land by conquest: they either legally purchase it or, if the population density is low, they simply settle there and eventually claim squatter’s rights. So, there is no war.

The ‘newcomers’ are usually not perceived as hostile, so the people in the ‘host culture’ do not harbour hostility towards them. Or, at least, not particularly so. At the beginning.

But, we, humans, have come to be who we are by following a certain path of social evolution.

Each one of us is, first and foremost, an individual. And, even in the most collectivistic of human societies, there is an acknowledgement (or a lament) that we are, indeed, individuals. This fact that each of us is an individual does not, in any way, change that we are also very social: we nurture our young and have long learned that pooling our resources can help us survive and succeed. We don’t always agree on how much of our resources ought to be pooled, and how this pooling ought to be accomplished – but that is a different matter.

Different human societies have indeed reached different states of balance (or, imbalance) between the ‘individual’ and ’society’. This is only to be expected, because humans are such a prolific organism that we thrive – or, at least, survive – in greatly varying regions of the world. These produce very different pressures (stresses) on the different human groups and their social rules that they govern themselves by.

Thus, very different attitudes, moral codes and social rules had developed.

Many people I have talked to seem to think that there is some sort of a ‘universal’ set of rules of ‘morality’ that all people subscribe to. I am sorry to disappoint these people: there is no such thing.

It is only because most cultures which had, historically, interacted with each other had been ones which were also in physical proximity: thus, both a similar set of environmental pressures and long-term contact (such as trade) between the cultures served to spread ideas, learn of each other’s attitudes – in short, served as a ‘normalizing’ pressure on the development of these cultures. This then gives an ‘appearance’ of ‘universal’ concepts of ‘right and wrong’. Thus, this ‘universality’ is no more than an appearance.

What worked for one group of people in one specific time and place became their set of ‘right and wrong’. Sure, if they learned a rule that seemed to produce better results, they usually found a way of incorporating this new rule into their society. (Often, this was in the form of a new deity – which is why so many monotheistic cultures seem to freeze in their ‘moral’ development… but THAT is a completely different post!)

Isolated cultures are a prime example of just how different ‘right and wrong’ is, depending on the pressures on the society.

Most ‘mainland’ cultures prospered if there were more offspring: the more babies born, the more were likely to survive and become productive members of their clan, the better the clan did. So, in most of these cultures, homosexuality (actually, most activities which would divert natural sex-drive away from baby-production) was forbidden and became considered ‘immoral’.

I remember my Anthropology prof telling us about an isolated culture on a small South Pacific island, where the overpopulation was the stress which drove the development of the society. On this island, homosexuality was not only permitted, it was considered to be morally superior to heterosexuality! As a matter of fact, heterosexual sex was taboo for over 300 days of the year…

The same is true of ‘murder’ – the concept of ‘killing another human being’ as ‘bad’ or ‘immoral’ is actually not all that common… as I have ranted on before.

As any physician will readily confirm, our brains are not any different from those of our bronze-age ancestors. Sure, when we have better nutrition and vitamins, when we grow up mostly free of diseases, our brains develop into a much fuller potential then they would otherwise. But not all our ancestors were malnurished or ill….

Our brains have the very same physical characteristics, the same ‘blueprint’, if you will, that the brains of our bronze-age-ancestors did. What differentiates us from our ancestors is our culture – our learning and our social attitudes.

In other words, ‘culture’ is what ‘defines us’ as ‘us’.

As opposed to ‘them’.

And this ‘them’ concept is extremely important to the way our ‘bronze-age blueprint-of-a-brain’: because in our bronze-age past, ‘them’ could never really be trusted!

The simple fact that ‘they’ were not ‘us’, but ‘they’ meant that ‘they’ did not have a vested interest in ‘our’ survival. That is why so many ‘ kings/chieftains’ would marry a daughter of a king/chieftain with whom they had just reached a peace-treaty: the ‘father-king’ would have a vested interest in the survival of his grand-children, just as the ‘bride-groom-king’ has a vested interest in the survival of his own children. This marriage and its ‘blood-bond’ reduces the ‘they’ factor and makes both sides see the other as at least a little bit more part of ‘us’.

Which brings me back to the ‘diaspora’: the very point of a diaspora is that the newcomers do not become part of the ‘us’ which surrounds them. By the very definition of the word ‘diaspora’, these newcomers have a fully formed cultural (which includes religious) identity of their own and are not willing to compromise it in any way – especially through mingling of the blood!

In other words, the newcomers – by their choice – do not become ‘us’ to their neighbours/hosts.

This results in both sides being unable to fully trust each other: blame our ‘bronze-aged brains’!

A few ‘fun notes’

This is fun:

This one’s even better:

See – Aspies CAN rap!
(OK – so I am making a presumption here: but, my personal experience suggests that it is the non-Aspies who form the minority among Physicists.)

Aspies and careers

Many parents of kids with Asperger Syndrome worry about what will happen to their child once they have to go out into the great, wide world and fend for themselves.

Ok, so all parents worry about this!

But parents of Aspie kids have some very particular concerns:  we tend to be ‘anything but middle ground’ people!

And, let’s face it:  our school systems are teaching a series of skills (a sort of a skills ‘tool set’) which will enable ‘middle ground’ kids to succeed.  And that is understandable – aiming at the ‘middle-ground majority’ will definitely provide a statistically successful outcome in that the most kids will learn how to succeed the most; the old ‘80/20′ rule (80% of results are obtained by 20% of the effort, but the remaining 20% of results will demand 80% of the effort to get them ‘right’).

This is not at all helpful when you (or your kid) falls outside the proverbial ‘2 standard deviations from the mean’… and need to learn a very different set of tools in order to succeed in life!  Many Aspies have a difficult and frustrating time in school and they are not ‘getting as much’ out of it as their peers do.  Therefore, many parents worry.

Just today I was talking to a mom of an Aspie who is worried about his future.  She can see the potential in him – he is truly very, very intelligent!  But, his school marks are not reflecting his intelligence, he often gets sad and sometimes he becomes withdrawn.  To my untrained eye, that sounds like the Aspie (10 years old) might be slipping into depression:  it is very common for even child-Aspies to become clinically depressed when they see they are more intelligent and know more than their peers, yet they are not succeeding and people (parents, teachers) are disapointed in them (or their peers mock them for it).

This very intelligent mom (herself an educator) saw the potential in her son, both on the ‘good’ side as well as on the ‘bad’ side:  she could see him as either a professor or scientist – or homeless and destitute… depending on whether he learned to ‘fit in’ to the school system, or not!

That is not so!  Of course, Aspies could end up without marketable skills, poor and homeless!  But then again, everyone could…

There ARE non-academic careers where Aspies DO excel!

All kinds of artisans, or any kind of ’specialists’ – skilled in a very particular thing – those are all things that Aspies can shine in!  Or, in the least, make a name for themselves and make a living at it.

Think about it:  if an Aspie finds a field in which they are interested, they will not stop before they learn everything there is to know about it, refine their knowledge, build specific rules and procedures which they have extensively tested and found to be most optimal.  They often see ’solutions’ where others do not.  And, they are (usually) not afraid to tell people how to ‘do it right’…

From goldsmiths who craft the most beautiful jewelry to blacksmiths who make old-fashioned swords and armour (actually very popular these days), true to the ‘old methods’ – or who can make custom metal railing and chandeliers.  From chefs, who specialize in a narrow field of cooking and become most sought out for their skill and knowledge in how to prepare the best tasting bits of food to clothing designers, who look at a garment and see the pattern of how it was made. From cabinetmakers who can replicate period pieces using traditional tools and methods or make the best quality, modern pieces of furniture that ‘works’ or those who can make the most specialized custom kitchen cabitnets to landscapers who feel the best way to pattern interlock bricks and flowerbeds!

And that is just the tip of the iceberg!

Don’t get me wrong, many Aspies do succeed in the world of academics:  I suspect that more Math/Physics/Linguistics/Engineering professors are Aspies that not.  That is why ‘Aspergers’ is often called ‘the little professor syndrome’!  But academics are not the only options open to Aspies when it comes to careers!

We just have to find a field – and we CAN ‘own it’!  We just have to be told that we can…when we are young and before we give up trying to find ‘our field’.  Once we know we can, we WILL succeed:  after all, that IS ‘the rule’!

If we can stick with just one field long enough…

Cross-posted at ‘Xanthippa’s Chamberpot’

Islamic Stars: a fun pattern!

This is one of the most beautiful patterns I have ever seen: mousing over it and seeing how the pattern changes has kept me occupied for hours!

(Hence, no other post… but it is worth it!)

DANG!!!

Despite trying, I cannot seem to be able to embed this into my blog!!! Disappointing!!!

OK – here is the next best thing: the link. And, please notice that you can go to other images, too! Just follow the icon on the bottom right and click left or right. Some of the other images are also WAY better than any TV show!

Hours of entertainment!

Cross posted from ‘Xanthippa’s Chamberpot’.

Aspergers and accurate words

REPOSTED FROM Xanthippa’s Chamberpot:

School!  It can be a testing place at the best of times!

For people who need to use ‘precise’ and ‘accurate’ words to describe things as those of us with Aspergers do, it can be baffling.  After all, one becomes used to the vocabulary and expectations at home – but at school, the rules are different.  And people just do not communicate clearly.  In the words of the immortal Inigo Montoya, “I don’t think that word means what you think it means.”

Let me give you an example.

Schools are filled with many kind and caring people who truly have the best intentions towards our kids.  They are dedicated.  At times, they will even enter ‘uncomfortable’ situations, if they think the ultimate result will help one of ‘their’ kids.  I admire that.

One year, at the beginning of winter – just as it was time to start wearing hats and mits etc. – I got a phone call from one of my kids’ teachers.  Even though I am pretty thick at picking up on such clues, I could tell she was very uncomfortable.  She spoke in a little soft voice and picked her words very carefully.

The school, as it turns out, gets some free ’stuff’ from the milk people, through the milk program.  Yes.  And it there are some families, which – at some times, and through no fault of their own – needed a little help, they could give these things as ‘prizes’ to their kids.  Since it is a ‘prize’, there is no stigma…

I was really beginning to wonder what this was about.  We were not in any financial difficulties – at least, I thought I would notice if we were.  So I made a non-commital sound, to show I was listening…

The teacher, kindly and gently, continued.  The promotional items they had included hats.  Since the weather was getting kind of cool, it was important that kids should wear hats.  And, today, during recess, my son had told her that he does not own a hat, and that he does not think we’re planning to buy him one.  So, if it would not cause offense, they could give him a hat from the milk programme…

Whatever reaction she was expecting, laughter was not it.  But, I just could not help myself!  I burst our laughing.  You see, my son was absolutely correct!!!  Yet, I owed the teacher an explanation…

The previous weekend, we had indeed gone shopping for a new winter hat.  My son became intrigued by these ‘hat and neckwarmer in one’ contraptions.  It looked just like a winter hat that was attached to the ‘neck’ part of a turtleneck.  It had a nice round opening for the whole face, but covered more skin than a ‘hat’ would.  That is what he chose to get instead of a regular hat.

And what did he wear the previous winter (to be used as a spare)?  A tuque!  If many people think that ‘tuque’ and ‘hat’ are the same, they should be corrected:  if they were the same, they would not have different names!!!

So, with puppy-dog eyes, solemnly and truthfully, my son told his teacher that he does not onw a hat!  And when she asked if we were just slow at getting ready for the winter, he truthfully said that we were not planning to get him one…instead of simply saying he forgot his new headwarmer.

The teacher was amused and greatly relieved! I suspect the story was used as a source of amusement at the teacher’s lounge.

But this is a very real example of how people with Aspergers do not understand what they are being asked, unless the accurate word is used.  The terms used must be specific, precise and accurate, because Aspies do not ‘make leaps of faith’ or read things into stuff.  If we don’t know, we don’t know – we are not likely to jump to unsupportable conclusions.  The teacher would likely have received a different answer had she asked him if he owned something to wear on his head to keep it warm.

Another example of ‘crossed communications’ occurred when my other son was very, very young – certainly under 2 years old.  He absolutely loved watching ‘Bill Nye the Science Guy’, and absorbed much of his early vocabulary from that show.

One time, my mom was over, and was in the livingroom with my son.  When I came into the room, she was frustrated:  “I told him to stop picking his nose, but he just stares back at me as if I just fell off the moon!  What is wrong with him?!?!?”

I told her he just did not understand what she meant.  He already had a nose, so how could he pick another one?

Turnning to him, I said:  “Stop touching your mucuous membranes.”

He took his finger out of his nose, looked at me and said:  “Ah, spread germs!”  And went to wash his hands…

These may be funny incidents, but they do illustrate the difficulties Aspies have trying to understand people who use language sloppily.  Just imagine how impenetrable the meaning of many test questions is to them!!!  No wonder they often score very poorly on school tests – many questions do not really ask what they think they ask…

(This is ALWAYS the hardest part of writing a post:  how to end it!  I could go on talking about this endlessly…)

Aspies can, and do, learn to search the speech patterns of others for ’similar concepts’ – this way, many Aspies learn to ‘decipher’ common speech.  And when we do, we are often so delighted, we drive others mad by playing with it!  Yet, this is not an easy skill to acquire, and it would not be realistic to expect young kids to ‘pick it up’.  This will lead to frustration – not just of the child, but also of educators, parents and others who interact with Aspie kids.

And, Aspie kids usually experience very high levels of frustration, even if they do not communicate this (or display the ‘typical’ signs of frustration, until it builds up into uncontrollable anger).  Making all these people aware of the need for accurate, precise and non-ambiguous use of language (and what that actually is – in the mind of an Aspie) would go a long way towards making life easier for everyone involved.

If we could only teach the rest of the world to communicate accurately!

Aspergers and writing – holding on to that thought!

REPOSTED FROM Xanthippa’s Chamberpot:

Different people are affected by Asperger Syndrome differently, and to varying degrees – it is more of a ‘continuum’ than an ‘on/off switch’.  I am by no means an expert – but I have some experience in living with it, and raising kids who are also Aspies.  The following will not work for everybody, but it did work for one of my kids.  Perhaps it may help another family, too – if not to improve skills, then at least to build an understanding.

Many Aspies are quite capable of speaking their mind, but have difficulty writing.  Previously, I have noted several factors that could be at play.  Here, I would like to look at only one of these:  how to hold on to that thought long enough to write it down.

Whether it is some problem with short-term memory, a non-differentiation in the prioritization of our 7-or-so ‘attention slots’, or if it is due to different causality, the practical result is that many Aspie kids say: ‘there are so many ideas swirling in my head, I cannot hold on to one thought long enough to write it down’.

This problem could be related to ADD – a condition which often occurs along with Aspergers.  And it is something that can be incredibly frustrating.  The child knows the answer, but there is some kind of a breakdown in the communication between the brain and the hand…  To an outside observer, it looks like nothing less than obstinance!

The earlier it is discovered that a child has this aspect of Aspergers, the easier it is to correct.  As is so often the case, the smarter the child is, the longer they can ‘mask’ the problem by ‘leveraging their core competencies’.  (Ooooh, I do love it when I talk bureaucreteese – while I don’t have to!  I amuse easily.)  This can be a good thing:  if the problem is mild, this can be a way the child ‘owns’ the problem and develops perfectly tailored coping mechanisms.

My son’s problem, however, was not mild.  Even though he did well, hiding his problem for quite a long time, half way through grade 2 he simply ‘got stuck’.  And even when we discovered it, it was completely new to us.  Nobody seemed to understand why he would sit at a desk for an hour and manage to write less than 3 words.

In grade 1, he tackled his inabiltiy to learn to read – and leapfrogged his peers, reading ‘The Lord Of The Rings’ on his own during the summer.  He had mastered the mechanics of forming letters – this also had been a struggle in grade 1.  (He had gone to a Montessori pre-school, where he learned to iron washcloths instead.)  So, we had been optimistic that we were ready for grade 2!

And now, this – to us – unprecedented and inexplicable inability to write even the siplest sentences.  The teacher was great, and even took a seminar to see if she could learn about this – but by this point, we had never even heard the word ‘Aspergers’, or what it means.  It took us a long time, but we finally worked out a way to get written work done.

1. My son and I would sit at the table, he would read the question, and say the answer out loud.
2. I would write the answer in large, clear letters on a notepad.
3. I would place the notepad on the table, and he’d get ready to write his answer.
4. Now I asked:  “What is the question?”  – He’d read it out loud again.
5. “What is the answer?”  – He’d say the whole answer again.
6. “What is the first word?”  – He’d repeat it.
7. “What is the first letter?”  – He’d repeat it and write it.
8. “What is the second letter?”  – He’d repeat it and write it.
9. “What is the third letter?”  – He’d repeat it….

And so on.

Except that, at the beginnig, by the second letter, he would forget what it was.  And what the word was.  And what the question was.  So, we’d go back to reading the question, answering it, reading what he had written, and forcing him to realize what the next letter was.

It was hard, and it took a long time.  Especially in the beginning – it could easily take us an hour to write 4 sentences.  But, he was doing it!  And over time – long time – he built up the capacity to hold on to more and more information, before needing to go back and re-checking it.

At first, on the advice of the teacher, we had instituted a ‘reward system’.  She was one of those teachers who really care – and I don’t know if I could have done it without her.  And, because I did not give my kids too many sweets – she suggested that some very small candies or raisins could be used as ‘earned rewards’ – say once a sentence or a particularly long word is completed.

The reward system was working.  Not that it would make the work easier, or that it would motivate him to write faster.  It did not work in that way.  But, as hard as all this was on me, it was even harder on my son:  he had just spent a full day at school – good and bad – and now we were sitting at the table for hours, working.  That is a lot for a 7-year-old!  The ‘reward’ was exactly that – it allowed him to graphically see his progress!  As my pre-measured ‘pile’ of ‘rewards’ on the table was shrinking, so was the amount of work still ahead of him.

That is something neat:  Aspies like rules.  They are much more likely to reach their potential in a highly structured environment, where the expectations are very, very clear.  In a way, the ‘rewards’ were a little bit of ’structure’, a measure of how much work is still expected from him.  Anyhow, he seemed calmer, and more ‘focused’.

Soon, I started finding the ‘rewards’ in his pockets when I would do laundry.  This puzzled me – so I asked him about it.  His answer?  “Well, I don’t really like to eat when I’m doing my work, but you looked so happy giving me the treats that I did not want to spoil it for you!”

After this, we switched from edible rewards to other non-edible ‘markers’:  marbles, poker chips, pebbles, or even coins from his piggy bank.  He got to pick what we would use that day, and helped count out the ‘markers’.  Once he had earned them all, we would put them back into their baggie, and into the ‘marker box’.  He liked that.

It was slow going.  After about a week of this, we both noticed that we would almost fall into a rhythm of question-answer-write.  And that really was the point when we both noticed beginnings (very, very beginnings) of progress!  Just to vary it – for fun – we started calling it out in the rhythm of that song soldiers sing to keep beat, with the question-answer called out loudly.

My son loved it, and called it ‘writing with shouting’.  He explained to me that when we were ‘writing with shouting’, the sound scared away the other thoughts, so he could sometimes hold on to three or even four letters before needing to go back to see what word it was he was writing!  He would be excited by this, and ask for us to ‘do the writing with shouting’.

Excited by this progress, I reported back to the teacher how well we were doing.  Perhaps I was a bit hahazard in how it all tumbled out of me, but I was very excited and happy to tell her.  I did not get the reaction I expected.  She looked aghast, and started crying.  When I asked why, she said:

“The poor child!  He’s trying so hard!  And you took away his treats and are shouting at him instead!”

I explained better.  So, why exactly does ‘relief’ make people want to punch my arm?

In conclusion, it did work – but it was a long, hard road.  The performance level at school rose faster than my son’s skills, so it could be downright discouraging at times.  But, we stuck with it – there was about a 3 week period when we worked 3-4 hours a day at it, and there was not a single day when we did not spend at least 2 hours ‘writing’ – without or ‘with shouting’!  And we beat it!

Eventually, we would not need to go letter by letter.  Instead, we went word by word.  We got there during grade 3….  But the habit of having me write the answers down, and then writing them down himself with the notepad in front of him ‘for when he needed it’ – we continued that until the end of grade 5.  And, if the schoolwork really piled up, I would sometimes (with the teachers’ permissions) script for him.  One needs to be flexible when the workload is greater… and other learning must not be neglected.  Eventually, his writing skills have caught up with the amount of work required of him at school.

It took a ‘few’ years, but we beat it!  It was not the last problem with ‘writing’ that we encountered, but it was by far the most effort-intensive to overcome.  But it was worth it!

Aspergers: ‘painting music’

REPOSTED FROM Xanthippa’s Chamberpot:

Over the last few decades, there have been very big changes in classroom attitudes – at least, in this part of the world. Many teachers are of the opinion that academic rigour stifles self-expression, and in an attempt to foster creativity in their students, they have systematically dismantled structured teaching.

This might work for some students. Yet, many students do not do well in this new environment, do not learn well using this new method. Yes, I do focus on kids with Aspergers, but they are not the only ones who are having difficulties. Many ‘normal’ kids find this ’unstructured’ method of teaching makes learning more difficult. The Aspie kids get completely lost in it.

Let me give you an example:

During a series of grade 3 art classes, the teacher played different types of music. The assignment was to ‘paint’ the music while the students were listening to it. I thought this was the height of idiocy: no skills were being taught, and precious school time was being wasted. But it was explained to me that I was being boorish, that this ‘exercise’ is scientifically designed to stimulate different areas of the brain to synthesize information, which is what kids at this age need more than anything else.

Please, do not misunderstand me. I don’t have anything against art classes in general: to the contrary. My mother teaches art, and I have a deep love for it. However, I think that kids actually get more enjoynment out of art if they are actually taught about it. They will derive pleasure from drawing if some of the rules of proportion, or different fun techniques are broken down into steps for them, so they can master the skills. Once they have understood the rules, it will be more fun to ‘bend’ them to express their own artistic talents (and no, I don’t mean after years of study….rather, teach a specific skill, rules that govern it, and how to bend them and have fun with art).

Well, my son was in this particular art class. He was in it because that teacher had gone to receive specific training on how to teach kids with Aspergers. And then she got angry with an Aspie kid for ‘not being able to paint the music’ he was listening to?????

Of course, what she was expecting was just non-sensicals colourful swirls – but she would never tell the students that. With a prim smile, she insisted they ‘paint what the music makes them see’. Questions of ‘How?’ were met with ‘That is up to YOU!’

Just before setting marks onto the report card, she called me to warn me that my son is about to fail art… Let’s just say that I found it somewhat difficult to keep my temper. (The problem was the frustration he experienced in being asked to complete a task he did not have the tools to perform, asking for help and being denied it, then penalized for failing by a bad mark.)

I explained to her that in that case, by her own standard, my son should have received an A+ for his artwork: the music did not make him ’see’ anything, so that is what he painted. Or did not paint. Either way, the result was accurate, and that he made a bold artistic statement by leaving the page blank. Quite literally, he ‘drew a blank’! In other words, I tried to ‘out-pretentious’ her. It did not work – I’ve never been very good at it.

However, the teacher said that if my son does 3 of these paintings and hands them in by Monday, he will not fail art. So, we were left with the task to ‘paint music’. My son and I talked about it, and it became clear that his frustration level was higher than usual. But I came up with a solution I am still proud of!

Selecting a Physics textbook which had a good, simple explanation of ’sound waves’, we read it over together and I explained all the diagrams to him. Now, here was ’sound’, represented visually!!!! We were making progress. Yet, many Aspies are sticklers for rules – my son could not paint the different types of music the same way!!! And I was ready…

Rummaging around in the basement, I dusted off our old logic analyzer and brought it up. Then I set up the display to emulate an oscilloscope, and we played the different types of music. It worked! The different sound waves made the oscilloscope display different curves. Lifting his brush, and dipping it into the green paint (the display was green), my son went and happily painted the different types of music!

His teacher was thrilled! She told him she knew that if he tried, he could paint music! He told her they were ’music waves’ and that he saw them. I did not tell her that he saw them on an oscilloscope screen – somehow, I did not think that would please her. Why spoil her pleasure?

Aspergers: if I know it, everyone knows it

REPOSTED FROM Xanthippa’s Chamberpot:

One of the most difficult things for a young Aspie to grasp is that not everyone has access to the same information, nor is everyone taught the same rules for everything.  Even a mature Aspie, who is aware and tries to be mindful of it, can easily fall into this ‘trap’ and leave out bits of information that are ‘obvious’…

Let me back up a little:

Aspies, especially young ones, have difficulty understanding that not everyone reasons from the same baseline, has access to exactly the same information, using the same ‘rules’ as they do.

It is hard to understand that ‘available’ information would be denied or inaccessible to others.  The corollary also holds true:  many young Aspies have a hard time understanding that information beyond what they know may be available to others…as in, that they do not have all the available information.

Predictably, this may lead to confusion – and frustration, misunderstandings, resentment, self-doubt….

I remember reading that one of the very early childhood tests for Aspergers is to take a candy box and ask the child what is inside.  The child will answer ‘candy’.  Then, the therapist (person administering the test) opens the candy box to reveal that there is a crayon inside instead of candy.  Now – this is the tricky bit - if the therapist were to ask the child at this point:  ’If your mom came in and I asked her where the crayon is, where do you think she’d start looking for it?’

While many children would understand ‘the joke’ (it’s not really a joke, as it only satisfies the ‘unexpected’ or ’secret knowledge’ aspect, which alone is insufficient to constitute a joke, but many ‘neurotypicals’, especially children, often mistake it for one), the Aspie kids expected their mom to go directly towards the candy box to find the crayon.

This is an illustration of the Aspie ‘if I know this, then everyone knows this’ blindspot.  It is becauseof this very inability of young Aspies to differentiate between ‘I know’ and ‘everyone knows’ that many ’specialists’ do not consider us capable of ‘higher abstract reasoning’.

Predictably, I think them stupid (this was the mildest word I could bring myself to use) for this patronizing, self-centered presumption:  Aspies are capable of extremely abstract reasoning!  Plus, most Aspies do learn this differentiation – perhaps using a different part of the brain than ‘average’ people, but we do learn it.  Perhaps we learn it at a higher age, and some of us learn it more easily than others.  Perhaps some of us learn it at an intellectual level, but still have a difficulty applying it at a mundane, practical lever… but this is NOT an indication of an inability to self-conceptualize, to ‘differentiate’ between ‘the self’ and ‘others’, as many misguided ’specialists’ condescendingly and erroneously attempt to suggest!

So, having (hopefully) established that this ’blindspot’ is not what many ‘experts’ pretend it is, it is still very important for Aspies and for people interacting with Aspies to be aware of this.

Many times, people think Aspies ‘arrogant’ for presuming that everyone ‘ought to’ hold the same views.  The corollary is that the Aspie may view the failure of other people to gather the same information, follow the same reasoning process (at this has ‘definite rules’) and arrive at the same conclusion to be a sign of inferior intelligence in other people.  After all, the Aspie followed this process without any difficulty – why couldn’t everyone else?  Or, perhaps more accurately, why wouldn’t everyone else do the same?

It is not an attempt at being ‘haughty’ or putting other people down – the Aspie may simply not understand why other people would not follow the rules of reasoning to arrive at the same conclusion as they had.  So, either the person has chosen not to follow the rules of reasoning – and Aspies like to stick to their rules – or that person is unable to follow the process….  You can see how that could cause the Aspie to ‘appear haughty’.

It may alienate peers, care-providers or educators and make them not want to help the Aspie.  After all, they are trying to help this person, and getting this attitude in return! It may make the Aspie appear ‘arrogant’ and to ‘lack empathy’ – something that has also often been erroneously asserted about us by ’specialists’ who do more harm than good  by misunderstanding their observations of Aspies and than basing great, sweeping theories on these misunderstandings.  If you ask me, they have failed to follow the reasoning process correctly!

I am not saying that adult Aspies should be excused for not properly compensating for this known aspect of ‘Aspieness’.  However, when kids are young, it would be unreasonable to expect them to have developed coping mechanisms to deal with this, as they may be too young to even understand that this is happening, or that it is something they should try to compensate for….  So, understanding the root of this attitude is important in order to not discourage people from helping – and also in teaching the young Aspie what is happening and how to compensate for it.

If the Aspie is not taught (or does not learn on their own) this lesson, they will never understand why it is that their ‘reasoning’ is ‘always out of step’ with everyone else’s.  This is not a healthy way to grow up.

Either the Aspie will ‘learn’ that they are an ‘idiot’ whose ‘reasoning’ cannot be trusted.  After all, everyone else came to a different conclusion – and either the Aspie thinks, or someone close to them pointedly tells them that ‘it is higly unlikely that the Aspie is right and the rest of the world is wrong’.  In this case they will spend the rest of their life always doubting themselves and thinking their ‘reasoning’ skills to be faulty and untrustworthy.

Or it might set up an expectation that the ‘rest of the world’ cannot be trusted and one must hide their opinions from it.  After all, every time you tell people your opinions, you are told you are being rude and then are ostracized.  Either way, speaking your mind causes people to be angry at you – so you learn not to.

Or, it may breed a complete contempt for the rest of the world in the young Aspie.  Or something similarly self-isolating…

Either way, it is not going to lead to the development of a  ’healthy’ sense of ’self’ for the young Aspie.  I do not know what the ideal solution to this is – or what the best ‘compensating behaviour’ would be, as these tend to differ from one Aspie to another.  The right age at which the Aspie is ready to deal with it may also differ greatly.   But, the ‘frustration levels’ of both the Aspie and the Aspie’s caretakers, educators and friends may all be reduced if this ‘blindspot’ is understood and addressed.